Saturday, July 28, 2012

Good, not so clean family entertainment....

Wow! I haven't posted in 6 days. I've been pretty busy working. I was off Thursday, but I spent most of that being lazy.

Camp is over for the crotch blossoms. That means there is still 3 weeks until school starts and nothing to occupy their time. Fuck, fuck, fuckkty, fuck!

We had a record breaking morning at work. Today was the Warrenton all-town yard sale. I was on front line today. Being up front is so much easier on my wrists. They haven't been falling asleep or hurting near as much. Plus it gives me time to flirt with cute little boys. I had a real doll yesterday. I wanted to bring him home with me.

The Boy worked this morning. Poor kid, it was his first day working breakfast, and we were so busy.

I came home from work, did the Facebook thing and crashed for 2 hours. Chief is pretty good about letting me nap when I've had a long day. Plus I got what Bird calls "Birdie nuggles". He must have been pretty tired. He crawled up in bed with me, snuggled up and fell asleep.  Getting up at 4:30am makes for a REALLY long day. Chief also made dinner for us. He's such a sweetie.

Chief has a Dr appointment next Thursday. I'm going with him so I can buy me and the spawn new shoes. The Boy needs slip proof shoes and so do I. My poor shoes are falling apart. I'm hoping to catch a good deal on shoes for the blossoms.

I came out of the bathroom tonight after getting Bird set up for a bath. (Bird bath tee hee) and the Boy asked if the cops were downstairs. Seems Thing 1 and Thing 2 got into a fist fight. I went outside for a smoke (read as "be nosey") and heard the cops coming.

Thing 2's dog (one of the pitties that chased the Boy) was running loose and almost got hit by the cops. He kept chasing their cars. I ran down the stairs yelling that he was friendly. The first set of cops (we ended up with 6 cars) ignored him when I came down. The 2nd cop almost hit him too. He got out of his car with his gun trained on Blue (the pittie). I was yelling at him that the dog was friendly and crying. I just knew he was going to shoot that poor dog for growling at him.Cop 2 was yelling at me to get the dog.

We finally got Blue in his apartment. Thing 1 was handcuffed and put in the car. Thing 2 just blows my mind. As she is being arrested, she tells the cops that the fight was over 3 things. An Ipad, some pills and a one-hitter. Wait what? Did you just admit to the cops you had a one-hitter? How fucking stupid can you be? Which is just what the cop asked her.

So now Thing 1 and Thing 2 are in jail, no slamming doors. The Boy went home. The blossoms are in bed, and all is quiet in Madwomanland. All is well.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Even wet hens don't get this mad....

The Boy came home with me after work. I asked him to walk the terrorist before he went home. Pretty normal in our house. The kids walk the dog when they're home. No biggie....until tonight.

We have 2 neighbors that refuse to put leashes on their pit bulls. While the Boy was walking Sammy the 2 pits came running toward them. Sammy, being the little coward he is hid behind the Boy. Not that I really blame Sammy, I would have hid from them too. The Boy put himself between Sammy and the pits. Sammy freaked and pulled out of his collar and ran. Both dogs started chasing him growling. The Boy finally got ahold of Sammy and brought him home.

After the Boy brought Sammy home and left, I started thinking about what he said....and I got pissed! My youngest kids walk Sammy. My kids play outside. What happens if Bird or Midget are walking Sammy when those dogs are loose? What if they're playing outside and fall down? Would the natural prey instinct kick in with these dogs? Would they attack my kids to get to my dog?

I did something I normally don't do. I called the cops.

Don't get me wrong here. I didn't freak out and call the cops because they were pit bulls. I love pitties and would own one if I had a bigger place. I think they are beautiful animals. But ALL animals have the prey instinct. If you live in town where there are other people and kids around you do not let your big dog (or any dog) run loose. It's just asking for trouble.

Poor Chief has had to listen to me freak out for an hour now.

These people need to either grow a fucking brain and leash their dogs or get rid of them, if they can't be responsible.

I'm not the first person to call the cops because the same 2 dogs have attacked other dogs. If these people don't start leashing their dogs, one day the cops are going to get tired of being called and take the dogs. I'd really hate to see these 2 beautiful animals put down because their owners are idiots.

I'm going to have a long hard talk with the Boy for putting himself between the 3 dogs.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I'll sleep when I'm dead if Optimus Prime is there too.

I sure as hell hope I can sleep when I'm dead, 'cause I'm not doing it now.

Last night working with Doughboy wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. He did his job and even helped me with things I couldn't reach or carry. It was nice when the Ass came in this morning and said the place was "OK".

After the crotch blossoms went to camp, Chief and I crashed, he had stayed up all night. He says he can't fall asleep if I'm not here.

The Boy came by a little after 11:30. I growled at him for being here so early and threatened to kill him. But the Parents had Dr appointments and he didn't want to go with them. Right after he got here MiL called. She was downstairs waiting for Chief for their little outing. She told me she called twice. Damned if I remember answering the first call.

I was so incredibly mad at the Boy for waking me up. Not because he interrupted my sleep, but because he woke me up in the middle of a dream.

I was dreaming that Pops and I were going in to see the President. I had the terrorist terrier with us. He was eating lettuce from Burger King, and had just peed on the President's carpet. We were at the Pres's house to meet Optimus Prime. I told you from the beginning that you may be scared if you peeked into my warped mind.

After Chief left, I let the Boy get on my laptop while I went back to sleep until the blossoms got home. I dreamed of Burger Hell that time too. Maybe I'm working too much?

I was going to treat the Boy and the spawn to DQ, but we ran into the Ice Cream truck on our way. I made the mistake of letting Midget get a Sonic the Hedgehog ice cream bar. Have you ever seen Sonic? He's this horrible ugly blue color. And so was Midget. She had blue goo dripping from her chin, running down both arms onto the ground. Even after washing herself and a shower later tonight, the kid still has blue lips.

I'm going to bed. Hopefully I'll get some sleep. Hell I might even get to meet Optimus this time.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

When life gives you lemons, keep them, free shit is cool.

Good evening Dearies....

This has been one of those weeks. Life seems to be trying to knock me down.

 I have 2 hours before I have to be at work. Yes, the Ass put me on nights again. We had a pretty big blow up earlier this week over him scheduling me 2 overnights in a row. I almost got out of both of them, but Bosslady called (and woke me up) asking if I could trade back tonight.  Fuck, fuck, fucktty, fuck, fuck! Geek boy (formerly New Guy) was going to work for me tonight and me for him on Friday. I was going to have 2 days off in a row. Now I'm back to only having 1 day off this week....tomorrow.

Good news is I got caught up on some of my sleep. I spent all last week not sleeping more then 3-5 hours a night. The animals are assholes at night making all kinds of noise, Chief has been sick, and me working nights really fucks up both of our sleep schedules.

Chief had a Dr appointment last Friday. Finally we got some good news from the Dr. Chief's left foot is looking better then it has in a long time. He's going to the city with MiL tomorrow.

Wait! What? Does that mean I get the house to myself for a few hours? Holy hell it does! The crotch blossoms are going to be at camp, the Boy was told if he came over in the morning I'd kill him, and Chief will be with his mom. Hot damn! I haven't had to place to myself in forever. And I'm going to have to spend it sleeping. Fuck, fuck, fucktty, fuck! There's life trying to push me over again.

The Boy started work with me yesterday. He tried to keep up with his ole mom. Tried is the key word here. Poor kid worked less then 4 hours and thought he was going to die. tee hee He did notice that the Ass is harder on me then the guys I work with.

Toward the end of the school year I got a letter from the local disability group. They were having what they call "Camp we can" this summer. I filled out the app and took it back. That was the best move I've made all summer. The crotch blossoms love camp. Yesterday they went to a local "ranch" and today they went to the Magic House. I wanted to go with them today, but with the way my schedule changes, I found out too late that I'd have today off. (There's life pushing again)

Chief gave me news yesterday that really makes me wonder about humanity and life. A couple he is very close to just split up. She found out he was a child molester. I've met said couple, and hearing this really hit me hard. They've been together 10 years, but they were the "perfect' couple. I'm totally blown away by this turn of events. (Fuck you life, stop pushing me)

One of these days my big mouth is going to get me into trouble. I stopped at Burger Hell to get my check today. Mouth was teasing me about having to work tonight. I very loudly stated that working overnights didn't piss me off as much as having to work with Doughboy. I forgot that Idiot was working and his girlfriend. Oops my bad. Idiot just glared at me. Oh well.

Midget, the Boy and I went to Wally World with MiL today. Thanks MiL for helping me look through the vacuums. I would have walked away from them if you hadn't been there. Yes Dearies, Madwoman now has her very own vacuum cleaner! The first brand new vacuum I've ever owned!

Life, I have one thing left to say to you.....fuck, fuck, fucktty, fuck you, I ain't going down easy.

Monday, July 9, 2012

The fall heard 'round Burger Hell....

Evening Dearies....

Ow, Ow, Ow, fucking OW!! Who thought one fall could jar and twist so many things? Saturday when I was leaving work, I slipped and fell in the dining room.  (Stripper had just mopped) Now this couldn't be one of those times when the dining room was empty. Oh hell no. There were 10 customers there to see my misery. As soon as I hit the ground I jumped up to see how many people saw my folly. A shit ton of people of course. I landed right next to a table full of people. The women there jumped up and came to my "rescue" The first thing that happens to a woman when she gets hurt is she tries not to cry. If someone is there asking her if she's ok, she's going to cry her fool head off. To my credit I did not. ha! I did turn to look and make sure no one I worked with saw me. I thought I had been saved that embarrassment. (I was wrong) I explained to the women checking on me that my shoes were greasy from working in the kitchen and I was fine. I'll be damned if I let them see my ass limp! I sat down pulled out my book and pretended nothing happened. When I fell I landed on my right knee (hard). I caught myself with my right hand, which jammed my wrist and shoulder. I twisted my right ankle and jarred my back. fuck fuck fucktty fuck! Who else could have pulled that off? Only this girl. I earned a large pretty black bruise for my efforts.

Today I was teasing Stripper about the mess he made on the floor cleaning fryers, and he admitted he had seen me fall. He was scared I'd be mad at him for seeing me and because he had been the one mopping. I gave he all kinds of hell for not coming and checking on me. tee hee

Bosslady gave me some great news today. Seems the Boy finally got a job. He goes in tomorrow at 10 for the paperwork. I'm way more excited then he is. He's been a total doll the past 2 days since my fall. He's done everything he possibly could to help me. I do feel sorry for him working with me at Burger Hell. For one he'll have to work with the Ass. And of course he's going to try to keep up with me. I'm going to work circles around that kid.

Chief is feeling better from his fall, but now has a cold. Guess what he shared with me?

There's not much more I hate then a summer cold. (Other then falling on my ass in public.) They are the total worst! Oh, and Aunt Flow had to show her nasty, vengeful ass tonight. Fuck fuck fucktty fuck you Aunt Flow!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

If someone pisses you off in hell, where do you tell them to go?

Hello Dearies....

The answer to the blog title is....Missouri. It's so hot here! Today the bank said it was 106 at 3pm. Holy mother of pancake syrup!!!! (Don't ask, it's what popped in my head) It's hot enough to blister bare feet on the sidewalk. Guess who found this out? The thermostat at Burger Hell said 115 in the kitchen by the fryers. Lucky me getting to work fryers today.

The Ass has been nice lately, but he's done gone and lost his damned mind. One day next week he has me on the schedule from 7-3 and 11-7. Day shift then an overnight? I'll be crawling home Friday morning. IF I'm still alive.

How she saw it I'll never know, but Bosslady found a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, little spider today. I didn't think anything could rattle that woman until I heard her scream. If there had been a chair near her, she would have been on top of it. I walked over and flicked the spider on the floor. She squeaked and squealed until I pretended to stomp on it. (I have no idea where it landed.)  That had to be the funniest thing I've seen in a long ass time.

Speaking of squealing, yesterday was the Squealer's birthday. Lucky little shit. She gets fireworks on her birthday every year. We all piled into the truck and went to MIL's house for hoagies (yum) and ice cream cake. (made by Chief's sister) Squealer's mother and 3 brothers came over for cake. I made orange freezes for everyone, ate cake and crashed on Squealer's bed. I had gotten off work at 7 and had to be awake by 11.

I made water bombs for the kids, so when we got home, we went outside to get wet. The Boy got me several times. Bird ran and hid behind the building. Midget got the worst of it. You can read how to make them here. We had a lot of fun and made even more noise.

So back to today. I feel like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound box. Everything, and I mean everything hurts. I was trying to show the Boy a web-site and kept dozing off.

Hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th of July!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Hardheaded Birds, parades and sun screen

Hello Dearies....

It's been a long few days since I posted last. Work has been busy. The Orginal chicken sandwiches are on sale. I swear we sold almost 1,000 yesterday and pretty damn close to that today. Thank goodness it was only for 2 days. The Ass has been in a pretty ok mood the past 2 days. He got ignorant with me yesterday until I said I was going to shove a chicken sandwhich up his ass sideways. Bosslady thought that was pretty funny. Today he started to snap at me when I asked for help, until he saw just how busy I was. He was cool enough to schedule me off early today, so I could see Squealer in the parade.

MIL picked me up after work today. She had dropped Squealer off at where ever it was she was supposed to be for the parade.  *MIL says Squealer was at her mom's. So she came in town early just to pick me up. Too cool!* The crotch fruit came in from church right after I got home. Seems my parents got another taste of what it's like to be me. Bird was being his normal little shit-self. He was tormenting Midget, and when told to stop he threw himself on the ground. The Boy had to carry him outside and have a talk with him. I was giggling through the whole story. These antics of his are nothing new to me. He's a hardheaded little snot and I know it. Mom, the poor woman has no idea to handle him. It's not that Bird is giving them a hard time, he's HAVING a hard time. It comes with being part of Bird's life. There is normally a reason he throws a fit. Today may have been because of the heat or he was overly tired.

We went to the Warrenton parade tonight. Damn it was hot as hell! I made a quick dash in Dollar Tree to buy sun screen. (guess who forgot to put it on herself?) That crap smells like fruity ass. It didn't take long for the Bird to take his shirt off. Both of the little fruit looked like I had painted their faces red. We only watched about half of the parade before they were done. I still have a shit-ton of candy here now. After the parade we picked up Squealer's older brother and went hunting for her. Poor baby had walked through the entire parade playing her sax. She was too tired and too hot. We took her to her mother's and I told her to get a drink and take a cool shower. I came home and crashed on the bed for awhile. Between working in the heat and standing at the parade I was beat.

Bosslady gave me great news today. The Boy will be getting a call from her in a few days. My baby boy will be getting his first job! I think I'm more excited then he is. I'm so proud of the Boy. He's going to be a hard worker....or mom will kick his ass!